The Wilkerson Family

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29: 11-13

It was senior year at Pearl High School. English class had begun, but Bob and Shawn couldn’t quit talking. Even after the teacher moved Shawn to the other side of the classroom, the two new friends continued to find ways to get to know each other. After a paper engagement ring and a date to the spring banquet this friendship turned into a relationship of commitment and unconditional love. Married 26 years later, Bob and Shawn Wilkerson are still best friends. They don’t get in trouble for talking anymore, but they do love to share the story of God’s work in their life.

Their journey is one of strength, determination, heartache, lots of love, and even greater faith. It’s not the story they had written in their mind that senior year. No, God would be the author of their life. As each chapter unfolded they would learn they really didn’t have control. “God has had to show me many times in my life that I’m not in control and that I don’t get to say when, what and how.” reflects Shawn. Indeed, the Lord’s plan would strengthen their faith and make them thankful for His grace in ways they never thought possible.

The Early Days

For the Wilkerson family, life hasn’t always been easy, but as a plaque reads in their home, “Faith makes all things possible, not easy.” They carry this statement in their hearts and know it to be true. From the beginning, they would make the most out of life.

Shawn enrolled in college and Bob went to work. On Friday nights when Bob would work the night shift, Shawn would bring him dinner and they would share a thirty minute date night. After two years in the workforce and encouragement from Shawn, Bob decided to go to college. He attended college during the day, and worked full-time at night. During this time, they got married, left their jobs and moved to Starkville for Bob to finish his engineering degree. They didn’t know what the future held, but they had each other. “We were so naïve, we had no money and no jobs lined up before we moved. It’s a good thing God watches over the foolish!” Shawn laughs. After returning to Jackson and getting their careers started, they were ready to start a family. However, the new baby didn’t come until almost two and a half years later. During the pregnancy Shawn began to experience difficulties carrying the baby. Her body started preterm labor at only 27 weeks and doctors immediately started her on a medication pump that would stop her from delivering and assigned her to complete bed rest for 10 weeks with close observation and frequent hospital stays.

At 37 weeks the doctor stopped the medication and she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, named Bobby. With the thrill of this new life, the Wilkersons soon tried for baby number two. However, it took almost two years until they were successful. Shawn met the pregnancy with joy, but she began experiencing the same preterm labor symptoms. Doctors put her on medication that slowed the labor, with 13 weeks of bed rest and again at 37 weeks they welcomed Hunter into a world of possibilities. “I had no idea you could love someone as much as you love your children. There is just a relationship there with someone who needs you so much as your children do and you’re so responsible for molding the person they’re going to be,” shares Shawn.

Anything is possible

Doctors said they would likely never conceive again and suggested invitro, but with the complications Shawn had carrying one baby, the risks for carrying multiples was even greater. So they decided to let it go, knowing how blessed they were. They had a loving family and two healthy kids. However, Bob just couldn’t let go of the idea that God had something more planned for him. Bob had always had an interest in medicine and had thought about using his engineering degree combined with a medical degree to design prosthetics. At 34, Bob took the MCAT, and with the support of his wife, applied to medical school. 

It wasn’t easy being a dad, husband and student, but they made it work. Bob was in his internal medicine residency and decided to take a free day to head to the country with his two sons to visit his parents. Shawn had recently decided to leave her job of 15 years with Southern Farm Bureau to focus on their family. She kept herself busy planning schedules and attending the children’s activities; all the while God was planning something no one expected. At 39, she was pregnant! She called Bob to tell him the news, “we were laughing and crying together, we were so excited”. Shawn went on to say the nurse had called and said her blood levels were high and they suspected she might be further along than they thought. They wanted her to come immediately for an ultrasound.  Bob knew he couldn’t get back in time to be there, but his medical mind knew there was something more to the pregnancy.

As Shawn awaited the ultrasound, thinking how crazy all of this was the nurse said, “You have two.” Stunned, the words took her breath away. Almost inaudibly Shawn said, “I can’t carry two. Without thought, the nurse replied that the pregnancy could be “reduced” by one. Without hesitation, Shawn’s reply was “I will carry two or I will lose two.”And so a new chapter in their life began. “Fear turned to determination, and Bob and I educated ourselves on multiples and took every precaution to ensure that these babies had a fighting chance. We knew that this pregnancy, these babies, must be part of a larger plan that we might never understand.”

 Protected Joy

They found the best doctors who would tell them that a successful pregnancy was possible. “The doctor said there is a higher calling in this pregnancy, and we’ve always believed that.” Because of previous complications and her age, doctors watched her and the babies closely. There was a 1 in 112 chance that either baby would be born with Down syndrome, but throughout the pregnancy there were no significant signs of disabilities. At 33 weeks and five days, Caroline entered the world and three minutes later her little brother Parker would follow, each weighing 4 1/2 pounds.

Shawn remembers her protective joy that day, “My question while still on the operating table was, “Do either of them have Down syndrome?” with a resounding “No! They look great!” the wall of self-protection I had built around myself, just in case the answer had been different, came down.”

As mommy and babies rested, Bob paced with uncertainty. There were problems with Caroline’s eye, the doctors questioned whether she had a heart defect, and they had ordered a genetic test to determine if she had Down syndrome. The next day, the new mama went to the NICU to see her beautiful babies and noticed Caroline’s pinky finger curved inward (this is a Downs trait). She got close to her new little girl who didn’t have on her hat or CPAP tube for the first time and that’s when she noticed. “I can only describe the moment as suffocating when the nurse confirmed that they did indeed fear she had Down syndrome; I felt like someone had pulled my world out from under me. It was not that I did not want her or love her. In fact, it was just the opposite—because of my love for her, I could not bear the thought that she would struggle.” Bob had known what the doctors suspected, but had kept it from Shawn in hope the tests would come back negative and she would never have to hurt.

They began down a new path, but their love and trust in the Lord never wavered. “God makes no guarantees that things will be easy. When you experience hard things, your relationship with God grows, and as husband and wife. If everything is easy there is no reason to cling to each other or to God,” Shawn reflects. As they clung, they also mourned the struggles Caroline would face, “It was a difficulty you couldn’t fix. And you just want to fix things for your children. It hurt and it took a little bit of time.” Healing came from their 8-year-old son, Hunter who asked their Children’s Minister if Caroline would get to go to heaven. Shawn and Bob knew this answer, but hearing her reply, “Straight to the arm of the throne!” brought everything into focus and served as a reminder of God’s grace. “Somewhere in my grief, I had lost sight of the fact that God had a plan; that it was God’s grace that had allowed me to conceive and carry these babies, and it was God’s grace that would carry us,” shares Shawn.

Not Easy

During that first year with the twins, life was anything but easy. The babies had spent a couple of weeks in NICU, then on the third night after they came home, Parker stopped breathing and it was discovered he was suffering from reflux that caused his airway to be blocked. He was re-hospitalized and placed on a monitor. Caroline had eye issues and they were uncertain what she could see, but knew her eyes had multiple birth defects. She was also fitted with hearing aids until she was six months old when surgery could be performed. Shawn had a cancerous growth removed from her eyelid, and both of the older boys were in accidents that caused broken bones. There’s more. While working at the hospital, Bob was accidentally pricked by a needle that was initially identified as HIV positive, and he was placed on the same medication AIDS patients receive. The eldest, Bobby was involved in an accident that cut his face from his jawbone up to his eye, exposing his cheekbone. All the while Bob continued to work long hours, and sleep became a rare delicacy. “We were so overwhelmed and I remember thinking “God where are you?” Why don’t I feel the warmth of your presence?” But it’s now that I look back, that I realize just how faithful God was. We were never alone; I could see God’s hand in our lives,” Shawn reflects. “I think your relationship with Him grows when you realize you can’t fix things on your own.”

Community Involvement

If fact they were not alone and prayer became the tool by which they would repair their spirits. Their Sunday school class, church family at First Baptist Church in Brandon and many strangers were all praying for them. “God showed his presence time and time again. On multiple occasions, we’d hear from strangers that they had been praying for our family,” explains Bob. “It was in that time when physical or emotional fatigue threatened to wear us down, that we were carried by our Christian family.”

To better equip their family and understand Caroline’s disabilities they decided to join a support group for families with Downs children. Bob and Shawn decided there was more they could do too and set out to help establish the Central Mississippi Down Syndrome Society (CMDSS) in June of 2003. They helped plan the first Buddy Walk in October of 2003 and over 500 people came to support individuals with Down syndrome. The support was tremendous, but it exposed the needs of the metro area Downs community.

As the Wilkersons met and prayed with families of new babies with Down syndrome, they learned many parents had no knowledge of what could be done to improve the quality of life for their children. They also realized there wasn’t a resource of any kind for parents like themselves who were met with the challenges of a baby born with Downs. With the help of several volunteers, Shawn decided to create a guidebook for other parents of Down syndrome kids that would be made available by CMDSS for free at hospitals across Central Mississippi. The book is full of resources and valuable information and is now being used as a model at multiple Down syndrome programs around the country. Currently, Shawn serves at the New Parent Coordinator for the CMDSS, counseling and praying for and with families whose lives have been touched by a baby with Down syndrome. She also serves on the Board of Trustees for the Mustard Seed, a Christian organization meeting the needs of mentally-challenged adults. In those moments of service and ministering to families, God’s plan is evident as Shawn uses the talents and skills He gave her to bring love and real life understanding to many.

Continued Faithfulness

The Wilkerson Family knows God is in control and they are continually humbled by His faithfulness to their family. Bobby (19) the older brother, is a sophomore pre-med major. During high school he chose to honor those at the Mustard Seed for his Eagle Scout project and provided a new swing and landscaping. Hunter (16) is the middle child and spiritual beyond his age. He plays football, soccer and track at Jackson Prep despite several disappointing sports injuries, brain and neck ailments and concussions.

Parker (6) the twin brother is full of love and is a natural helper. He has a nurturing heart and always takes the time to take care of others.

“From the beginning we said we will not let Downs define our family. We have four wonderful children, one of whom just happens to have Down syndrome. As parents, it is our job to help each child reach their full potential.”

“Caroline does get more slack from her brothers,” adds Bob. “Well, Bob’s wrapped around her crooked little finger,” jokes Shawn. “We just have the same expectations of Caroline as we do our other children, that she do her best.  Down syndrome doesn’t define her. Yes, she has special needs, but she is so much more than that. Caroline is funny, sassy, smart and absolutely beautiful. She has blessed our lives and made us appreciate all of our children’s accomplishments more than we ever could have without her influence. Every day, we are blessed to call each of these children ours.”

The Wilkerson family is special. They meet every challenge with determination and rely on unconditional love to guide them down paths they would not have chosen to explore. In 2008, Shawn saw an ad for an easy heart screening and signed him up, never expecting to find a problem. After meeting with doctors, Bob who is an oncologist at Jackson Oncology Associates was diagnosed with coronary artery disease. Bob’s cardiologist prayed with the family, performed more tests and found blockage in the proximal area of his left anterior descending artery—a major artery to the heart. “It’s a walk of faith. We have been blessed with godly doctors and godly friends who pray with us through every step of our lives.”

Knowing and Growing in Grace

Despite the difficult chapters of their life, their story remains a joyful one. They laugh, go to movies together, cheer on the Ole Miss Rebels and make life fun. Sitting in that English class, Bob and Shawn could have never imagined the life they have now, but they wouldn’t change a thing. “There have been hard things in our life, but I always knew if I had God and I had Bob, everything else would be OK,” Shawn exclaims. Only God knows what the future holds, but for the Wilkerson family the present is better because of the journey they have walked. They have a greater understanding of faithfulness and the Lord has shown them the promise of his love through a little girl named Caroline, “She has taught us more about life, love, parenting, patience, serving others, and loving the Lord than we ever could have learned without her.” God’s plan has been perfectly defined by their special faith.

5 Things you should know about Down syndrome
By Shawn Wilkerson

1.)   Your child will be more like his/her peers than unlike them. Each child, whether born with Down syndrome or not, is created as special and unique. As with each of us, your child will have strengths and weaknesses, dream and aspirations. As parents, our job is to help them reach their full potential and help them in finding their way to serve the Lord.

2.)   Don’t allow the diagnosis of Down syndrome to define your family, just as it shouldn’t define your child. Down syndrome is what your child has, not who he/she is. In our case, God has blessed us with four beautiful children, it just so happens that one has Down syndrome.

3.)   Society will take cues from you. If they see you as matter-of-fact and upbeat, then that will be the behavior that is emulated.

4.)   You must be your child’s advocate. As with all of our children, it’s your responsibility as a parent to seek out the best for them. Research and network with other parents to determine what physicians, therapists, and educators will best meet your child’s needs. Other parents who have walked this path ahead of you will be an invaluable resource.

5.)   Your child is a gift from God, (Psalm 127:3) and God doesn’t make mistakes.

7th Annual Central Mississippi Down Syndrome Society Buddy Walk

Saturday, October 10

At the Winner’s Circle Park in Flowood

For more information visit www.cmdss.org or call 601-397-3696

Down syndrome facts:

·         In 2007, 46,455 babies were born with Down syndrome in the United States.

·         Down syndrome occurs when an individual has three, rather than two, copies of the 21st chromosome. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome.

·         There are more than 400,000 people living with Down syndrome in the United States.

·         A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm. Every person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all.

·         Life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has increased dramatically in recent decades—from 25 in 1983 to 60 today.