“My father was consistent in his work ethic and his integrity. He taught me to remain teachable and how to be kind. He taught me the greatest thing I can do is to be a man of God, a husband and a father.”
For the last four years, Carey Casey has been the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, but as he shares he’s really the “Chief Encouragement Officer”. And he doesn’t take that title lightly. He is encouraging 6.5 million men – roughly 10 percent of the fathers in America – to get in the game and play the most important position in life, Daddy. He sees the urgency in our culture to restore the family and tells men, “you got to get in the game and we don’t need spectators, we need players.”
Laying the Foundation
That premise began early in his childhood as he watched his father, Ralph Casey, participate in his life, engaging, teaching, encouraging. He would take Carey and his brothers on drives down the back roads outside of Salem, Virginia to discuss sex, drugs, alcohol, how to respect women and the many temptations of life. He wanted to equip his boys with the right tools to navigate life and go down a road of influence. For Carey, that road started at a bus stop in Salem, Virginia. It was a racially sensitive time in the country and as Carey stood next to his dad, he looked up at a big yellow bus full of white athletes with uncertainty and fear, he would understand years later why he was there, but in that moment His dad simply said, “Get on the Bus.” And Carey did what he was told. That bus would take him to Black Mountain, North Carolina for his first Fellowship of Christian Athletes sports camp and his life wouldn’t be the same. “My dad had vision. At that time he knew I needed to know all about different races and cultures. He would say, ‘If you’re going to lead the orchestra, you’ve got to turn your back to the crowd.’” When Carey got off the bus from the FCA camp he was ready to receive the call to duty the Lord had put in his heart.
In the years following, if Carey wasn’t on the football field he was in the pews at the First Baptist Church of Salem listening to the wisdom of Dr. James Braxton. Pastor Braxton was an educated man who encouraged Carey to use the gifts the Lord had given him to impact others. In high school, Carey went onto play in the 1971 Virginia State Championship - the real life game that was later documented in the movie, Remember the Titans. After graduation Lord led him down the road to the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill where he received his bachelor’s degree and as running back he helped to lead his team to the ACC Championship in 1977.
With his athletic background and a call to influence, it only seemed natural that he found himself back with FCA. He worked with the ministry for 18 years in different roles influencing players and coaches to be the best men they could be. When the opportunity became available to take over the position with the National Center for Fathering, he was at first hesitant, but after his wife, Melanie of 32 years that he still calls his bride, said “Carey, fathering is who you are,” he never looked back. His new call to duty would take him into a battle he was prepared to lead.
His predecessor Dr. Ken Canfield who founded the National Center for Fathering in 1990, left him with a battle plan in the middle of his desk on his first day, Malachi 4:6 “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Along with that scripture and the knowledge that every child thrives when they have an involved father in their life, Casey has set out to cover the country with fathers. “There are 65 million fathers in America, and I want to get to 10%. I’ve learned you don’t have a lot of people to have a movement all you need is about 10% of the folks really willing to move in the same direction and you can start a movement. So I’m trying to get 6.5 million fathers to live out Championship Fathering,” expresses Casey. “And I wonder what does that movement look like? Well, most men are two and a half feet wide, and shoulder to shoulder 6.5 million men could reach from Boston Harbor to San Diego that’s what it looks like and that way we can change the culture from a fatherless culture into a fathering culture.”
A Call to Duty
Being a father in his own home, Casey knows through his own life experience how important a father is to a child and how a relationship with the eternal father can empower change. “My father was consistent in his work ethic and his integrity. He taught me to remain teachable and how to be kind. He taught me the greatest thing I can do is to be a man of God, a husband and a father.”
Now, Casey is doing the same and living his dream, “I just didn’t know it was going to be this busy or this hard.” As a father to four (Christie, Patrice, Marcellus, and Chance) and Grandfather to five, Carey sure keeps busy fathering his own. He believes his solid marriage has been a firm foundation for his children to see and seek in their own lives. Christie is a High School principle a Kansas City suburb, Patrice is married to John Perkins, son of John M. Perkins, they live here in Jackson and he serves at the Development Director for the John M. Perkins Foundation. Marcellus and his wife Stephanie live in Champagne, Illinois and serve with FCA. His youngest, 13-year-old, Chance loves to play tennis.
In addition to his duties at home and “the Center”, Casey serves on the White House Task Force for Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage. After a call from President Obama to assist him in navigating this important area of our country’s culture, Casey jumped on board. “We’re at a critical stage where fathers are not there, they are checking out. I think this is the most optimistic opportune time in the history of fathering in America. Other fathering groups around the country are coming together and the government is behind us.” As the only research based initiative in the country, the Center for Fathering provides reports and research that reveal the impact the father has on his children and his family when he is not present in their lives. As Casey shares, “Twenty-four million children will go to bed tonight without their biological father in their home. When a father’s not there or involved in a child’s life, they’re more likely to be poor, more likely to drop out of school, more likely to be involved in a violent crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teenagers.” Serious matters for a serious cause.
Building Championship Fathers
After further research, the Center found there are three fundamentals of fathering that Casey reveals in his book, Championship Fathering.
1.) Loving
Just as it is the first commandment, so is it in fathering. Showing love to a son or daughter expresses acceptance and confidence. When a father takes interest in their child’s life their outlook on life can be changed. With the emotional and physical absence of a father a child is more likely to experience anxiety, substance abuse, lack of confidence, a variety of physical and mental health problems and even more so a loss of hope.
Often the father is not around because the family unit is broken, but Casey says this shouldn’t be an excuse for father to not be present. “In 1960, the percentage of African-American babies born out of wedlock was 20-25%. In 2010 it’s now at 72%. So we have to change that culture of our community. I tell men of my color, guys you can’t wait on someone to do this for us, we have to stay in the game, we can’t quit. They say well it’s better for the kids we’re not there or we’re not married anymore because we always argue, well I say, find a way to stop arguing. That daughter is going to want to be blessed by her daddy and that son will need attention from his dad.”
2.) Coaching
“There are a lot of dads making a lot of money, driving nice cars and getting their kids nice things, but bottom line is that they are not involved in their kid’s lives, they’re not coaching them. They are not telling them they love them or picking up their children when they fail. They often provide, but don’t protect,” shares Casey. “God made us human beings not human doings. The things and money won’t fill that void, but having God in your heart will.”
In Championship Fathering, Coaching is expressed from a scriptural focus in Proverbs, 22:6 “Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Most of us have been coached in a sport or activity on the playground, in class or on the ball field, so the idea of coaching is identifiable to all of us. When a father is able to coach their son or daughter in life they not only learn a lesson, but they remember the time their father took out of his busy schedule to have “practice” and coach him or her.
3.) Modeling
Watching your father respond to a person in need or when someone has embarrassed them stays with you at any age. Children look to their fathers for guidance. For better or worse, their eyes are open; watching and waiting to see the man they call dad respond. As Casey expresses, “We can’t just preach it; we have to model it.”
There are models in all of our lives –someone you want to more like in their work ethic or someone you don’t want to be like in their deceptive ways. Men often want to model their lives after other men who are successful in their careers and how many “things” they own, but Casey shares, “the greatest thing you can do is to not have a title, but have a testimony.”
What it Takes
Becoming a championship father takes work and it is more than the title of Casey’s book, it is an initiative of the Center to get men committed to living out their role as a father. The center reaches over one million men through various offerings. There are events for fathers to attend with and without their children, they can visit the Center’s website www.fathers.com to learn more about committing to the characteristics of a championship father or attend seminars to learn the skills of a championship father. There is also the Watch D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students) initiative the Center offers that focuses on the prevention of violence in schools, by using the positive influence of fathers and or father-figures, within schools. It has been highly successful in increasing father involvement in the educational lives of children as well.
In addition to the fundamentals of Loving, Coaching, and Modeling, Championship Fathering, also identifies the need to encourage other kids and enlist other dads. By being an encouraging mentor for a child who doesn’t have a male figure, the child can grow in confidence and self-worth. The enlistment of other fathers is simply asking a friend or co-worker who might be in the similar life situation to join in this journey.
The National Center for Fathering has local ties with long-time Jackson resident Lee Paris who has been involved with the center for twelve years and now serves as the organization’s Chairman. Lee is a father of three and a tireless worker of change. He has also served as the former board chairman of Mission Mississippi, a non-profit organization whose mission is to encourage and express unity across racial and denominational lines.
For Mr. Paris his commitment to the Center is simple, “If the father’s would fulfill their biblically mandated roles the ills of society would be greatly reduced. Rather than dealing with the many issues we need to get to the root of the problem which is a lack of a personal relationship with the heavenly father and the earthly father fulfilling his role. I feel that is one of the greatest ministries we can be involved in.” Paris added, “We’re a part of training men to be fathers and we need help at the local level. I would love to see Jackson residents create a center for fathering with an active local board that shares a common interest in helping to implement the services the center offers.” This summer Paris and Casey will travel to South Africa to establish a Center for Fathering and teach other man what the Lord has taught them about fathering.
Continuing the Journey
The journey for Carey Casey has been an exciting one. From marrying his bride 32 years ago to watching his four children grow up into fine young women and men and now earning his stripes as Grandpa Casey, life has been full. He has worked beside legendary men such as Hall of Fame Coach Tom Landry as the chaplain for the Dallas Cowboys and with numerous football players and coaches assisting them with player development. He has often been the teacher, teaching through story after story, most coming from lessons he learned from his teacher, his father.
“It took me a long time to realize it, but almost every new lesson I learn about fathering I can see illustrated somehow in my dad’s life,” he shares. “That’s not to say my father was perfect. There will never be a perfect dad except God. And, as perfect as He is, He has the most dysfunctional children, and I’m one of them. But when you come right down to it, virtually everything I know about fathering I saw in my dad.”
The impact of a father is far-reaching and the influence on his children is often underestimated. Simple acts of fathering such as, sitting with a little girl as she plays dolls or playing catch with a young boy can have a tremendous impact. When a daddy is there to sow seeds of protection, provision, counsel, guidance, support and love into the hearts of their children generations will reap benefits for years to come. And when that child, young or old, nourishes their heart with the love of their heavenly father a championship is won.
For more information on The Center for Fathering visit www.fathers.com or call 800-593-DADS
To learn more about what The Center for Fathering is doing in Jackson contact Lee Paris at Lparis@meadowbrookcap.com
